I'm Weary Of My Unsupportive Family - In Rift -

Before starting my long long long rambling , I'm just gonna have a short brief about what are the few things I would previously like or hope to blog about after my common habit of abandoning the blog for "some time".

1. Display some photos of the unboxing of Dell New Inspiron 15 *Yeah, i got a new lappie =)
2. Show the drawings i did during office hours
3. ** Friends gathering -yumcha( Twice ) Should have a lot to talk about
   
4. Nice shots on today's Qing Ming using my phone *even thou i trapped long hours in the jam inside the graveyards
   

These were the blog posts in my mind ....and right now they shattered.....
Due to my phone's problem, pics taken only part of them in my memory card....so, no1 & no2 are out !!! It happened in a sudden, it just froze and i hardly could turn it on, you will just get the glittering of lights from the screen for a few mins or secs....then it 's gone black...=(



Now, allow me to express my GREAT INDIGNATION here, its about today .....
Revealing my long suppressed dissatisfaction ,frustration, perplexing troubles or feelings that keep encouterin' me ....I was feeling peppy in this morning *although not really cause i slept at 4 sth
but i was actually happy about this sunday cause i got my lappie plus at night i can have dinner with elaine and vanessa....i enjoy dinner with friends very much.

Dinner cancelled - elaine went to ipoh with Serra =(
My Sunday was like you see a black cat crossing your path ...BAD LUCK .....it lingered on me right from the morning i spoke to my mum & dad.
We set off quite late for the qing ming actually, ten sth includin the time my bro dropping by the book store to buy some reference books , the time to NILAI, the time to trap in the jam . Thats also why i got burnt today == Scorching hot sun on top of my head and without an umbrella , also the steaming nasty words from my dad....tough afternoon for me ** I will explain this later...*
So, obviously it's gonna be late and hot when we reached there.....



I was unhappy that we didnt have the time to have BREAKFAST....funny huh....but you see....empty stomach till 1 or 2pm ?? go to nilai , a completely unfamiliar place to grab the lunch....i 'd already forseen the comings...and the dripping sourish gastric juice in my stomach....
BUT mum actually prepared 5 pieces of "daai gou min"....each for one person....but i didnt take it cause i didnt like it *fair enough right......im used to it, to not have breakfast....i was really okay just unhappy for their plan.....but MUM will nag me for being choosy, for not appreciating the food, for not taking my health in concern....




Anywayz, fight started @ here
i was talking with my bro, reading newspaper, mum in the kitchen been yelling at me to take the cup back into the kitchen....alright, i was annoyed and on the way taking my cup inside, met her halfway when she ordered me again to take the cloth on coffee table along ....i was irritated and annoyed....and ignored her...continued walking to the kitchen *** I know it was my fault, obviously.....**and to mention here, i do not like to be yelled or called for many times.....i would keep silent and finish my job ACCORDING to my time and pace.....This ANNOYS my MUM and Dad, i guess
Dad witnessed the part i ignored my mum.....and joined my mum , both *complaining me, criticizing me * ...*i ignored agn* ...finally got in the car and hit the petrol station.....mum started to nag at me agn when dad was filling up the oil tank.....
She said me showing black face cos i cudnt get my breakfast, picky for food * , she said, "do you know how pity for those who are starving, cravin for food ?" only ask you for a lil help to take that cloth ,ya also not willing , selfish lah, dont know to understand and help a mum ......yea yea....but i got PISSED by her denouncing me having black face cus of no breakfast ==.....i didnt show them any bad mood face...& i m okay with myself to be empty stomach till lunch...i didnt help cos i was annoyed and didnt wana stop walking*my fault...'ya always want things in ur way , ur so picky, just go along with whats given ,okay? then...i replied"then the mixed rice stalls dont prepare so many food okay, only one kind is enough, dont choose lah".......

Dad came back in......he said "ya dont have to explain so much for yaself, ive been observing you and caught you many times dragging your job and forget to do this and that""you dont know how to tolerate with others, ya so "hard neck" never accept others and want everything in your way" "I saw you , why is it so difficult for you to take that cloth" Dont gimme too many excuses, ya always talking for yaself " "Parents wont simply put a blame on their children" I explained ....I wasnt unhappy cos i din eat breakf...why make a roar abt me not hving breakf when i myself hve no objection ..and i told him straight off the face i didnt take that cloth cos i was annoyed , on purpose........I know thats my bad habit for forgetting to do my job* i actually do realise that and i really am not doing thaton purpose for forgetting....*but parents wont believe...and thats my bad habit....

After that explaination ,he said "NO.....not true "
I was like WTF ....im telling you the truth, thats my real feeling ...u denied it cause you got the bad image of me set in ur mind and using ur stereotype judgement on me ......
his conclusion " ïm stubborn, selfish, intolerant ,lazy
I said "do you gimme time to change....and you expect me to make a total new transformation at an instant, *cause i think they raised up their voice for this matter has no cure....why dont they keep reminding me, or okay, lets have a firm talk reminder for me, instead of going through this huge world war fight in the car **Dad" within that 10 times, ur 8 times like this , u say lah" i distorted" this is like teenager mistake, i will learn from that, i might change in the future "....dad" 你听过放羊的孩子吗？"
I stunned for a moment.....i almost speechless ,and said " right, he doesnt deserve a chance?....what do u mean now" dad " yeah, you see ,no one will trust a people who lies" .....
omg....my heart was clenched.....cause for me....how can family members act in the same way as the onlookers ...then i replied" ya just dont support " dad" dont support? i support u money, the lappie ..."...me " i dont mean economically....its spiritual support...u wont do that"...and then i kept myself silence for the rest of the afternoon......til the dinner just then, we spoke a bit....
You know what.....i really think NUMB BY LINKIN PARK is just right for me...."every steps that i take is another mistake to you......Ive become so numb...”
you see....support....my friends, can you imagine if he finds out that im GxY......
is this the reason keeping me single? lol nah.....cos im selfish,lazy and intolerant =)
Reached the graveyard.....reach my grandpa's cemetery ....with that terribly hot sun = same temperature as my dad.....dont you think he will get soften after 2 hours....
Without any of us remember the existence of umbrella....he blamed on me....talked so loud till i could hear " Girls are supposed to be careful , cant even do one such tiny thing" ==


I forgot the part he mentioned a real real real immense problem..."I dont know how to communicate with you" " ya always impatient when we wana or try to ask you sth"
Bad attitude huh



How to communicate with me

1. dont ask about my studies, exams.....dont tell me im spending more time on the net
   (every of your concerns and disappointment in "seeing" me neglecting are highly pressuring me )
2. dont tell me you know me,u understand me, u know every bit of me because im your daughter.....cause if you do....then i wont be writin this
3. dont say dat you "eat salts more than i eat rice"and that i always nvr think twice b4 i take actions......dont dont say i never consider for parents, for family....
4. dont trust others and ignore my words ×this one 4get abt it.....
5. im 20 , i talk so harsh with you because i m a bit opinionated or rebellious , against ya conservative thinking.....my siblings are quiet dont mean they agree with ya, they might just scared of ya bad temper only ><

Another reason im Gxy, could i say is due to ya bad temper that i cant stand ?
nah....maybe not because of this....
but i really do hate the bad temper in him....guys like that, or anyone like that please, leave me alone.
My mum is quite conservative i would say, but shes really kind and i think my dad is the very lucky to have her
6. Dont throw a tantrum at mum....i seriously despise any guys do that to girls
eg . me and dad were arguing while on the way to the book store, mum was just being kind to remind my dad to turn left or right, how to get there, he said he knows !! and then he got the wrong way and said thats cause of mum distracting him, 懂都变不懂 .....me "F !"
eg. as i said,they couldnt find food in nilai, dad planned to go back to ulik....alright...then on the way, the time was close to 2, i bet everyone of us was hungry, mum mentioned kajang, coz we gonna passed by, dad then headed into there.....and guess what, when he couldnt find it,he blamed on my mum, why mentioned kajang == me"F!!"

eg ordering food, he said my mum good in knowing good food, let her order ==*ironically, then my mum asked him what he wanted...why the f u wana raise ur voice at mum , “still wana eat rice meh, what time now, eat noodles la, ya know all these well, order la " .....mum of coz beh song la, pull her chair further from him....me ad very further lol

my mum doesnt know how to keep quiet when hes mad ...i seriously think she shouldnt bother his words, its wasteful



but i still LOVE my parents and family....
i just hope everything stay in peace....
understanding.....can exist?



im writin this just to record one of the days in my life =)
I dont angry at them as im used to it....by the time i kept silence, im off to argue with anyone
i hate fighting =) never a solution for anything